Sunday, July 26, 2009

My Friend Pete

Had a frustrating conversation with a my dear friend Pete this morning. I've had this talk with Pete many times before mind you. Have you even gotten to the point where you just want to shake someone incessantly till they see the light? My friend Pete does this to me on a regular basis. Why remain friends with him, you ask? Well somewhere in my convoluted mind, I feel the uncontrollable urge to help and fix everyone. ( wouldn't it be lovely if I could apply those same terms to my own life)
Pete has been married for 11 years, with two lovely children. Pete's problem....he's a walking doormat. OK, so perhaps that is just MY term for him. He's a great guy, funny, sincere, loving...but wow, is he the most insecure and passive person I have probably ever met. His wife, well, just say she wears the pants in the family; along with the only set of balls in the household too. He is miserable in his marriage and though I don't know her personally, I am guessing she is too. She has major resentment issues towards him. Reasonably so I'd guess, a few years back, Pete had a battle with alcohol and gambling, where she was left to hold the family together. But he has since cleaned up his act, is doing very well and striving to do what's best for his family. With the physical hurtles behind them both, neither has worked on the mental aspect of their marriage. I get to hear him complain everyday how she belittles him, and chides him like a 12 yr old boy. But he takes it, without ever saying a word ( except to me) , thus the walking doormat has come to be. I asked him some tough questions does he still truly love her, does he want to remain with her and is he willing to work on making things better. I got yes answers to all of them. That's a good start. He's got to regain some power in the relationship and gain some self respect along with it. He plans on having a sit down talk with her. I hope he does. Even more importantly, I hope she listens. They don't need to be miserable if they can just find a common ground.